tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post6689763289404309417..comments2023-12-19T00:27:40.453-10:00Comments on .: 44A Charing cross.McGuirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03095242258892600138noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-79042285840567411252009-09-06T08:05:28.247-10:002009-09-06T08:05:28.247-10:00I'm mildly relieved. I thought it was me.I'm mildly relieved. I thought it was me.Titushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16380213493011623153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-87308539705089019112009-09-06T02:49:52.930-10:002009-09-06T02:49:52.930-10:00Yes, I've posted up a few poems and then takin...Yes, I've posted up a few poems and then takin' them down out of sheer frustration and the belief they make little sense.<br /><br />Working in a few things so they should be up in a day or so. <br /><br />Forgive the confusion, it's what I do best. Spreading it everywhere.McGuirehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03095242258892600138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-42189744315671690282009-09-06T01:57:39.735-10:002009-09-06T01:57:39.735-10:00Help! Do things keep appearing and disappearing h...Help! Do things keep appearing and disappearing here? Was there one about a confessional or is that somewhere else? <br />Confused, Scotland.Titushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16380213493011623153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-30552669031842738232009-08-23T03:09:43.092-10:002009-08-23T03:09:43.092-10:00Now, if you hate the 44A you should try the 62 at ...Now, if you hate the 44A you should try the 62 at rush hour. I wonder how many writers have tackled that subject, the train or bus journey to work. Strangely enough, although I've written about it in my head so many times I don't actually think any of it made its way onto the page. I have a story set on a bus but that's about it. <br /><br />Some good lines here. I especially liked "Centipedes crawl…" followed shortly by "…creepy almanac" for some reason. As a piece of descriptive writing it's fine, a little long perhaps and some repetition: "We lodge beside two by two" and "We sit in rows two by two" in paragraph one, for example. It would be fine wrapped around a story but on its own it's like a slide show, well executed but one could tire of it quickly. It needs commentary or narrative or something more to animate the piece. But, for what it is, it's well done.<br /><br />If I can illustrate my point. Take your sentence, "One rusher is tap tap tapping his feet desperate to urinate," as an example. How about:<br /><br />One rusher is tap tap tapping his feet desperate to urinate. Christ, I wish he'd stop. Stop, for God's sake. Damn, now I want to pee too.<br /><br>Jim Murdochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-4900227619457017892009-08-21T09:56:10.752-10:002009-08-21T09:56:10.752-10:00Yep, from me too.Yep, from me too.Titushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16380213493011623153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-13742670888112915302009-08-19T12:36:05.981-10:002009-08-19T12:36:05.981-10:00big thumbs up!!!!big thumbs up!!!!The Brokendown Barmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13729499535859152598noreply@blogger.com