tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post982656460907205748..comments2023-12-19T00:27:40.453-10:00Comments on .: Minutes on education.McGuirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03095242258892600138noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-27253647906080491822010-06-25T04:02:23.647-10:002010-06-25T04:02:23.647-10:00Particularly enjoyed the following because I could...Particularly enjoyed the following because I could relate to it:<br /><br />"Me want to write so bad<br />but no time to learn grammar<br />me scribble best effort and<br />leave it on internet for no-one to read."<br /><br />I'd like to see the last 2 paragraphs form a commentary of their own - perhaps in another, seperate poem?<br /><br />I've added your blog to my links section on my blog.<br /><br />Also after stalking you blog for a while I reckon Titus has got some good opinions! Thanks for posting on McGuire's work as your comments have helped me understand writing just a wee bit better myself.<br /><br />Thanks <br /><br />- ShaheenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-14129408648910084652010-05-24T14:54:09.369-10:002010-05-24T14:54:09.369-10:00See, Colin, what I said about choosing an audience...See, Colin, what I said about choosing an audience? Do it actively, don't allow the flies to even peek at your honey. Editing takes away the soul as much as shitting takes away the need to eat, that goddamn sentimental weakling pussy idiot needs to go read someone else. God, the soul of it! The vulgar fucking soul!<br /><br />For the piece, it appears to be a run-on of another better piece, or the other better piece a run-on of it. No matter, this is bad, this is, how do I say it, soulless. <br /><br />It was probably the devil telling you not to edit anyway. If you need to shit, I say shit.<br /><br />--JeremyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-90288087429966778762010-03-29T06:15:00.606-10:002010-03-29T06:15:00.606-10:00thirza right
way ti spell
ana right way
to tok it....thirza right<br />way ti spell<br />ana right way<br />to tok it. this<br />is me tokn yir<br />right way a<br />spellin. this<br />is ma trooth.<br /><br />Your poem presents quite forceful truths in "common-speak". It's just like Jesus saying, "Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings..." This is why I'd steer clear of "clever" words. There isn't a truth that matters that can't get expressed in words of one or two syllables: all big wurds boil doon tae wee wurds.<br /><br />It looks like you've already taken a hatchet to it. Good. Better.<br /><br>Jim Murdochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-53650565541165462042010-03-29T05:42:09.490-10:002010-03-29T05:42:09.490-10:00In what way does it work like Tom Leonard's Th...In what way does it work like Tom Leonard's The Six O' Clock News? Curious. <br /><br />Corpulent is unnecessary. Fat will do. I use 'me' because it's more feral, savage, like someone might say in error, if they don't speak the language particularly well. An exaggeration, but one that makes sense, I think. <br /><br />I do need to cut some of this back. I have a terrible problem with 'clearing the debris' and bring the poem out of the dark. Part deliberate unwillingness to relent and edit and part lost at what exactly needs to be cut or strengthened to make what is said or shown clearer.McGuirehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03095242258892600138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-69550583351297552912010-03-27T07:57:04.525-10:002010-03-27T07:57:04.525-10:00I like the spirit of this one. It does need a tidy...I like the spirit of this one. It does need a tidy as you say (you start to ramble) but this works in exactly the same way as Tom Leonard's <i>The Six O'clock News</i> works. <br /><br />I have mixed feeling about the big words in this. Would someone who uses 'me' instead of 'I' use words like 'corpulent'? I'm not saying it's wrong. Just a question to ask yourself.<br /><br />The first two stanzas are the best. The third is pretty good but I might drop the 'is' from lines 1 and 2 and the 'are' from line 3. And I might change 'exactly' to 'right' in the last line.<br /><br />After that I want to start chopping but this is a great approach and should not be stuffed in a drawer and forgotten.<br /><br>Jim Murdochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-9427026309377117232010-03-25T17:23:25.249-10:002010-03-25T17:23:25.249-10:00maybe sometimes the editing takes away the soul???...maybe sometimes the editing takes away the soul???The Brokendown Barmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13729499535859152598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-62884990159834984142010-03-25T17:22:54.030-10:002010-03-25T17:22:54.030-10:00ooft, kick a man when he is down.....................ooft, kick a man when he is down...................The Brokendown Barmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13729499535859152598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-35384058302233675402010-03-25T14:07:45.407-10:002010-03-25T14:07:45.407-10:00Hi Titus. Glad the chaos corresponds to your chaos...Hi Titus. Glad the chaos corresponds to your chaos. Dada verse I loe too. Cute and sly words. So much of this could be cut out but I just can't get enough of it's rambling gibber. <br /><br />Probably worth cutting down. <br />I need to learn to edit better.<br />So much to learn...so many good habits to learn.McGuirehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03095242258892600138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30567906.post-124342279603623982010-03-25T13:24:02.123-10:002010-03-25T13:24:02.123-10:00Well I enjoyed, but then I am currently living the...Well I enjoyed, but then I am currently living the life chaotic so maybe it just felt like home.<br />I loved the "My Da-Da..." verse.Titushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16380213493011623153noreply@blogger.com