Monday, May 11, 2009

If honest you make me feel.

Even the hangman grows sentimental - McGuire

I love you very much
I think about you a lot

I consider the muscles of your naked shoulders.
The taut skin. Your still eyes. The delicate blinds
of your eyelashes, what you carry,
all more than they are.

I love you because I am alive with you.
We share that blizzard in common.
For you to die, be taken, what is that?
That is a mystery to me.
For me to die, be taken, what is that to you?

Despite death, most remarkable of all
is quite how alive you are when you are still
and breathing. It will be as though we had never
even touched, when the eyes fold for good,
sweeping away our very being. Become intangible.

I love you very much
I think about you a lot


Rachel Fox said...

Vulnerable as snow? Not sure about that...

Like the innocence of it in other places though. And I suppose innocent/pure as snow and all that...maybe...

Jim Murdoch said...

This strikes me as a café poem. By that I mean the kind of meandering piece that runs through ones head when looking at someone siting two or three tables away. It certainly has the feel of an unrequited love poem, a little rambley but appropriate to the subject. I like that you top-and-tail the piece with the same stanza; it's a good stanza and worth repeating.

McGuire said...

No. This is not a cafe poem. I suppose it could be a love poem. Perhaps I've failed to communicate that it is directed at people 'writ large' than any individual. The focus on the shoulders and on the o-live' skin are perhaps not as Universal as they where meant to be.

A light poem of sentimental longing for other people. Nothing more. And by that perhaps it means even less. I suppose in this sense it is simply a mere notation.

hope said...

As the non-poet in the group, the first stanza drew me in....and stayed with me, before I even discovered it at the end.

Sometimes it's the "little moments" in a poem that are the true gems. Nice job. :)

Duluk said...

I like your poetry. There are some good lines here (more than just this poem). I do like the first/last stanza, as others have mentioned.

What I find interesting is your comment to Jim about this poem being 'writ large,' a 'longing for other people' compared with your poem about solitude and loneliness, which was also quite good.

Anyway, glad I ran across you. Be following you know; I'll try to leave some comments, though I'm not a very good critic. Well, I'm just not very good. :)