Thursday, March 25, 2010

Minutes on education.



People are surprised to find out that an awful lot of people think that they're idiots. - Eric Shmidt.

Me want to write so bad
but no time to learn grammar
me scribble best effort and
leave it on internet for no-one to read.

Me no time to build a page of prose
me no patience to be page doctor.
Me write only best effort and leave
on square screen for praise from no-one.

Everything I write is already Shakespeare
because no hard work required anymore.
We are so developed no longer need
to know technicality of technique.

Man has eaten too much knowledge
and not metabolised understanding
stomach burn and rumble now
man must hold back its content.
Here come the next generation,
the McGonagall's of illiterature.
Disciples of illiterati scribbling
mistakes they are proud of.



*

I could have kept this in my drawer but, I like the spirit of it, the lack of Einstein, of course working toward stronger writing is necessary, but what's the problem with pouring out some chaos? So, there it is.

9 comments:

Titus said...

Well I enjoyed, but then I am currently living the life chaotic so maybe it just felt like home.
I loved the "My Da-Da..." verse.

McGuire said...

Hi Titus. Glad the chaos corresponds to your chaos. Dada verse I loe too. Cute and sly words. So much of this could be cut out but I just can't get enough of it's rambling gibber.

Probably worth cutting down.
I need to learn to edit better.
So much to learn...so many good habits to learn.

the broken down barman said...

ooft, kick a man when he is down...................

the broken down barman said...

maybe sometimes the editing takes away the soul???

Jim Murdoch said...

I like the spirit of this one. It does need a tidy as you say (you start to ramble) but this works in exactly the same way as Tom Leonard's The Six O'clock News works.

I have mixed feeling about the big words in this. Would someone who uses 'me' instead of 'I' use words like 'corpulent'? I'm not saying it's wrong. Just a question to ask yourself.

The first two stanzas are the best. The third is pretty good but I might drop the 'is' from lines 1 and 2 and the 'are' from line 3. And I might change 'exactly' to 'right' in the last line.

After that I want to start chopping but this is a great approach and should not be stuffed in a drawer and forgotten.

McGuire said...

In what way does it work like Tom Leonard's The Six O' Clock News? Curious.

Corpulent is unnecessary. Fat will do. I use 'me' because it's more feral, savage, like someone might say in error, if they don't speak the language particularly well. An exaggeration, but one that makes sense, I think.

I do need to cut some of this back. I have a terrible problem with 'clearing the debris' and bring the poem out of the dark. Part deliberate unwillingness to relent and edit and part lost at what exactly needs to be cut or strengthened to make what is said or shown clearer.

Jim Murdoch said...

thirza right
way ti spell
ana right way
to tok it. this
is me tokn yir
right way a
spellin. this
is ma trooth.

Your poem presents quite forceful truths in "common-speak". It's just like Jesus saying, "Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings..." This is why I'd steer clear of "clever" words. There isn't a truth that matters that can't get expressed in words of one or two syllables: all big wurds boil doon tae wee wurds.

It looks like you've already taken a hatchet to it. Good. Better.

voodooverse said...

See, Colin, what I said about choosing an audience? Do it actively, don't allow the flies to even peek at your honey. Editing takes away the soul as much as shitting takes away the need to eat, that goddamn sentimental weakling pussy idiot needs to go read someone else. God, the soul of it! The vulgar fucking soul!

For the piece, it appears to be a run-on of another better piece, or the other better piece a run-on of it. No matter, this is bad, this is, how do I say it, soulless.

It was probably the devil telling you not to edit anyway. If you need to shit, I say shit.

--Jeremy

recessiondodgetovictory said...

Particularly enjoyed the following because I could relate to it:

"Me want to write so bad
but no time to learn grammar
me scribble best effort and
leave it on internet for no-one to read."

I'd like to see the last 2 paragraphs form a commentary of their own - perhaps in another, seperate poem?

I've added your blog to my links section on my blog.

Also after stalking you blog for a while I reckon Titus has got some good opinions! Thanks for posting on McGuire's work as your comments have helped me understand writing just a wee bit better myself.

Thanks

- Shaheen