Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Greater Glasgow Health Board.


Excerpt from short stories 'Greater Glasgow Health Board: 'Whit Aldo seen the uther day.'



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walkin alang suachiehall street wae JoJo. standin outside burger king wiz big willy the junky fae doon ma street. He wiz hammered. Sawzild. Jitterin on the spot in his blue and white tracky. staggering forward then fallen back. Forward and back. His heed was dripping doon like he wiz fallen asleep, and his legs buckled doon then sprang back up. Thing is, it wiz a busy Saturday efternoon, you cud hear bagpipes buzzin in the distans, and folk oot way thur weans shoppin. Willy has weans as well you know. Imagine that? Yir da, a grown man, a junky, humiliatin himself in the centre. They aw gawked at him like walking by a shite exhibit. Total disgust. Weans thinkin it wiz funny as fuck. Thinkin he thought he wiz probly still in his living room. Poor bastard should be on the methadone or electro-shock. His weans are in care. Cause his wifes a junky, too. bet he wiz just daein a wee dance, so he could cadge some money for a burger. Scum, man.


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then the uther day, you wont fuckin believe this, wiz fucking brilliant. a wiz walkin alang the road, as yee day, and I kid hear this junky cow moanin. and guess whit. She hud her hand and a wee bit o er arm stuck in the fuckin postboax. haha! Belter man. She wiz out the game as well, lollin about on the spot. like a dog on its leash. jag bag burd. she was gibberin. probobly trying her luck at bumpin some of the letters in the post hopin tae find a bit of doe. Missed her giro. But I just stood wae Jamie and tam laughin right at her. hahahaha! she was a fuckin disgrace. She wiz makin no sense, spangled oot her mind, moanin like she had downs or sumting. she started saying 'fuck off, fuck off.....naaw! gonnae help us.fuck off, fuck off! naw gonnay help us.' we jist kept laughin then Alsay got his phone oot and filmed it. we just kept pissing our selves and then walked away. and we watched the video. Gonny put it oan youtube. Funny as fuck! Glasgow is a fuckin whole man. Rats man, should aw be put doon. Fuckin love it.

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32 comments:

Jim Murdoch said...

Excellent! Wonderful character studies. Can't say more.

Titus said...

Impressive. Horrible.
Left a taste in my mouth.

the broken down barman said...

i wish id written this ma self. absolute class big man, abolute fuckin class.

McGuire said...

Cheers Jim. I'm building these particular character studies into a short story. Should be awright.

Titus, the taste of stale tobacco, perhaps? It's not a pleasant sight, for all its flippancy.

brokendown, you really think there class? Glad to read that. ;)

Rachel Fox said...

Makes me think of Dickens if you know what I mean. Equally sad.

x

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