Painting by Michael Endo
Barricaded on all sides,
the hyenas are everywhere.
Solitude is a necessity,
for that which does not
conceal itself loses definition.
Solitude builds out
of sorrow strength
which defeats crowds.
But bad poetry is
everywhere trying
to unblock the spirit
and make itself known.
There is nothing to elevate
the loneliness people
this is the way it is.
Romanticism and sentiment:
liars throughout the centuries.
Realism wipes it arse over
and over again. Dies old and
bitter having learned faith
in rooms of God's infinite silence.
4 comments:
This is another piece that I've struggled with. The worst of it is, I think there's a decent poem in here struggling to get out. I could spend the rest of the day just thinking about the second stanza and the fourth is very witty but the fifth just lost me. Try reading it as a sentence: 'There is nothing to elevate the part loneliness people this is the way the contract to be.' It doesn't make sense. Not to me anyway. And I have a similar problem with the last sentence fragment, well basically the whole last verse. Oh, and the apostrophe after 'hyenas' - what's that all about? Like I said, some good stuff in here that just needs to be wrapped up with a bit more care.
I don't mean to be rude but sometimes despite your minimalism and love of keepin things simple, you fail to see the simplicity displayed before you. I don't see how the four stanza can lose you, even including the word 'part' but I have taken that out because it is unnecessary.
Loneliness is part of being, literally, the verb 'to be'.
I have made some changes. as for the apostrophe, microsoft word added that, bloody nuts. Needs work. It's like a building site around here.
thanks for your time.
I don't mean to be rude either, McGuire, and I feel guilty when I make negative comments but I also feel bad when I see no one else making comments and I feel obliged to say something. That fourth stanza now makes total sense to me. I've tried to remember how you had it before - and I know it's only one word - but I can't stick it anywhere in there and it makes sense. Maybe it's just me.
It annoys the hell out of me that you don't get more comments. That's why I gave you the plug recently but I'm not going to like or get everything you put out. It won't stop me reading and you'll have to put out drivel for a long time before I quit on you. And somehow I suspect even on your bad days you're not capable of that.
Keep up with the good work.
I'm just glad you take the time to read and make comment. Helps we iron things out. I should take a more disiplined approach to writing. I 'do' work on them regularly but I need to take more time slowly burning over them.
I never expected anyone to pay this blog a bit of attention. I dare say people read and move on, taking something away or leaving in general disgust.
Plenty of work to be done.
Speak soo,
Jim.
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