Five children sun about in the sun,
searching for their mother
who has fallen asleep in the
back garden with slight sunburn.
They will sneak into the kitchen
and steal three biscuits from the biscuit tin.
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11 comments:
I like the image but I think you should take a second look at the language. Even as prose it doesn't quite flow the way I think it could. I do like the opening line though especially the use of 'sun' both as verb and noun. If I could offer one suggesting - I think they should find the mother and on finding her then sneak off to raid the cookie jar.
Jim, thanks for your comment, to be honest, I thought they did find the mother and then on finding her sneak off to raid the cookie jar.
?
I guessed as much but you didn't state it explicitly, something like "On finding their mother..."
Why 3? Why only 3? You can't divide 3 by 5!
They share the biscuits. Afraid of stealing five perhaps. Mum might get angry. Naive really.
:)
McGuire. Children. Don't. Share.
Unless there's an adult present.
In this instance they did. Possibly out of fear (equal). Possibly out of naive generosity (that was nice). Both.
This summer they shared.
lets hope that summer comes back one day
Ah! But unconvinced.
This was great.
This was lovvely to read
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